5 ways to include children of all ages in your humanist wedding ceremony

Whether you’ve got a young baby together or you share grown-up children between you, there are lots of ways to make children of all ages feel included in your humanist wedding ceremony.

Here are some ideas below:

1. The Ceremony Wording

There are plenty of opportunities to give a special shout-out to all your important people, including your children - you can reflect on their importance in your life as a couple too.

“When Jane and Chris first got together, Jane said that she came as a package with her two boys, Ollie and Sam. Although Chris found it daunting at first to try and win over two teenage boys, he says it’s been a privilege to watch them grow up into kind young men (and have someone to play on the Xbox with!)”.

You could also include a commitment to your children/stepchildren in your vows to each other:

“I promise to be an equal parent to Ottilie and work with you as a team to raise her”.

2. Readings

If your children are a little older, you could ask them to give a reading for you (if you have more than one child, they could do this together – for example, by alternating lines or verses).

They could read a poem, or you could ask them to say a few words about you both.

Similarly, if your child is a talented singer or is learning to play an instrument, you could also ask them to perform a musical item as part of the ceremony.

3. Certificate Signing

As humanist wedding ceremonies are not legally binding in England & Wales, there is no age restriction for any witnesses you might choose. So, if your child is old enough to sign their name, why not ask them to be your witness and sign your certificate with you?

You could then frame the certificate as a reminder of your day and of the commitments you have made to each other and as a family.

4. Sand Blending Ceremony

Why not have a sand blending ceremony to seal your vows and demonstrate your commitment as a newly formed family?

Each parent and child would have their own colour sand in a smaller container (something like a shot glass or a miniature milk bottle would work well), and would then take it in turns to pour their sand into a larger container (such as a jar, vase or even a decanter).

All the different layers of sand combined together symbolise the individuals of the family joining together as one new unit. You’ll then be able to keep your sand container as a permanent decoration for your home together.

5. A Naming Ceremony

If you hadn’t had the chance to hold a naming ceremony for your child after they were first born, why not hold a naming ceremony for them as part of your wedding to welcome them into the family? There’s no upper age limit for naming ceremonies, with older children welcome too.

If you have any more questions about including your children in your humanist wedding, then please get in touch!

Naming Ceremonies in the time of Corona

Let’s face it, it’s been a really hard few months and it’s tricky to plan ahead for the weekend, never mind for a few weeks into the future! If you’re considering holding a naming ceremony to welcome your little one in the near future but you’re not sure of the best way to go about it right now…this post is for you.

Below are the three main choices if you’re thinking about holding a naming ceremony for your child in the near future:

1. Intimate In-Person Ceremonies (guidance correct as of 27/09/2020; England only)

As with weddings, funerals and other ‘major life’ events, it is still possible to hold in-person ceremonies with the following guidelines in mind:

My understanding is that you can have up to six guests at the moment (unfortunately babies and children are also included in the 'Rule of Six'). I'm conscious that this is a very small number and that it would be difficult for families to hold a ceremony of this size.

One option is for you to hold a ceremony at home (perhaps just as parents, the child and any siblings) and to stream it onto a platform such as Facebook Live for your friends and family to join in the celebrations with you.

Your celebrant would not count as one of your six guests.

This is my current understanding in terms of the numbers allowed and I will endeavour to update this blog as and when any further changes are introduced.

2. Virtual Ceremonies

You might have seen a few virtual weddings that have taken place since the start of lockdown, which have all been so heart-warming to witness. It’s also possible to hold virtual naming ceremonies on platforms such as Zoom, Skype and Google Hangouts and are just as special.

Here are a few tips below to make your virtual ceremony a success:

· Do you have a tech savvy sister, uncle or friend? Nominate a Chair to look after the technical side of the ceremony (e.g. to check that everyone has logged on, keep an eye on any messages or take charge of any potential technical glitches) – this will give you one fewer thing to worry about and to concentrate on enjoying the ceremony!

· Allow 10 minutes before start of ceremony for your friends and family to join early and for your nominated Chair to explain how the tech will work and what’s expected of your guests.

· Why not send your guests some props in advance to use in the ceremony – for example, some bubbles and a mini bottle of prosecco for the all-important toast.

· I’d be very willing to hold a rehearsal ceremony for you so you’re comfortable with how the ceremony would run.

You can record your ceremony to be shared with those who couldn’t attend at a later date.

3. …Holding off until you feel the time is right

If you’re just not comfortable with holding a ceremony in the current climate and want to hold it in future as something positive for you and your family to look forward to, I completely understand.

You could tie it in with a special occasion, such as your child’s birthday – don’t worry about whether you think your baby would be ‘too old’ to have a ceremony by then, there’s no upper age limit. It’s never too early to think about what your ideal ceremony might include and I’m certainly taking enquiries for 2021.

Whichever option is right for you and your family – do get in touch, I’d love to hear about your plans!

5 wedding traditions to use in a humanist naming ceremony

One of the most unique aspects of a humanist naming ceremony is the option to include a symbolic ritual to celebrate your new arrival. There are so many options to choose from, from candle lighting to bubble blowing to anything else in between, and we can personalise them to make them even more relevant to you and your family.

Today we’ll take a look at five symbolic rituals that are more usually associated with weddings, but can absolutely be adapted for naming ceremonies too.

1. Handfasting

Handfasting is a Celtic marriage ritual dating back more than two thousand years, which is today very popular at humanist weddings and is strongly associated with Scottish weddings. Did you know that this is where the expression ‘tying the knot’ comes from?

In a wedding, the celebrant ties ribbons around the couple’s hands as a symbol of their union. In a naming ceremony, you can also include your baby or child’s hand into the handfasting as a sign of a new family union who will always stick together, perhaps as part of the promises that the parent(s) will make to the child.

The newly created knot can then by carefully removed and framed as a permanent reminder of the day – it could be a unique piece of art for your child’s bedroom!

2. The Quaich

A quaich (pronounced k-way-ch {as in loch} is a traditional Scottish drinking cup with two handles, which has been used for hundreds of years as a symbol of welcome and unity. In weddings, it is used to symbolise two families joining together as one but it also works very well as a symbol of welcome for your new child. It is usually filled with a dram of whisky, but of course you can add anything you like!

The quaich can be passed around all of your guests to each take a sip, between your guideparents to welcome them into the family too or just by the parent(s), followed by a toast. The drink can be poured into the quaich by the celebrant, a guideparent or by one of the parents. For an extra layer of symbolism, why not ask each of your guideparents to pour some of the drink into the quaich as a symbol of the special role they’ll have to play as your child grows up.

You might already have a quaich in the family, or a new quaich can be a new family heirloom that your child can use during their life’s milestones – for example at their own wedding or to welcome a child of their own!

In the most recent ceremony I conducted, the baby’s parents had used a quaich at their wedding, and so it was a natural decision for them to use the quaich again to symbolise their family unit growing from two to three.

“As you have shared from this cup, you have promised to share all that the future may hold. And may the sweetness that life brings be all the sweeter because you have drunk from this quaich together.”

3. Wine Box Ceremony

As vineyard weddings are becoming more popular, couples are choosing to incorporate their beautiful surroundings into their ceremony with a wine box ceremony. Often, couples will have prepared a wooden wine box, containing a bottle of their favourite wine along with a meaningful letter to each other which is then sealed using a hammer and nails during the ceremony. The couple will then open their wine and re-read the letter to each other on a specific anniversary, such as their 10-year anniversary.

It’s definitely possible to adapt this ceremony for a naming ceremony too. You could choose a bottle of wine or whisky and include a copy of your parental promises or indeed of the whole ceremony script into the box and seal it during the ceremony. You can save the box to give to your child om their 18th birthday – just make sure you pick something that will age well!

If you don’t drink alcohol, why not create a time capsule with some personal mementos instead?

4. Sandblending Ceremomy

A sandblending ceremony involves filling a large empty glass jar, bottle, vase or perhaps a decanter with layers of different colours of sand. Each colour or layer of sand represents a different person in the child’s life, such as parents and step parents, siblings, grandparents and guideparents. As each person fills the glass with their layer of sand, they can also make a promise to the child.

In weddings, a sandblending ceremony is often used where families with children from previous relationships are joining together to welcome their new stepchildren into one new family. For a naming ceremony, this kind of ceremony can also be used to symbolise the commitment that a step parent is making to the child or for a child who has been adopted.

The container can be kept long after the ceremony as a reminder as a reminder of your child’s special day and of the commitments you have made as a family.

5. Favours

Did you know: favours aren’t just for weddings! Why not give your guests a small keepsake from your baby’s naming ceremony?

If your family loves visiting the seaside, why not collect some pebbles or seashells to give to your loved ones? You can also paint your pebbles with a colourful pattern or with your guests' names for an extra-personal touch, which can be a fun activity for siblings and younger guests in the lead-up to the ceremony.

You could also give your guests some seeds to plant in their garden or window box and admire in the years to come. This could work especially well if your child’s name is inspired by nature, like Willow, Daisy or Poppy.

Which of these five ideas is your favourite?

Quaich and whisky from a recent naming ceremony