Vow Renewal FAQs

In this blog post, I explore some common questions for couples looking to plan a vow renewal ceremony (including what to call your ceremony, how to approach your vows the second time around and what symbolic actions you could include) - I hope they're helpful and please get in touch if you'd like to find out more!

What to call your vow renewal ceremony

We're planning to hold a second wedding ceremony, but what should we call it? We’re already married, so calling it a wedding doesn’t sound quite right for us, and we're not religious so we don't want to call it a blessing either.

While of course you could call your larger celebration a wedding, you could also call it a:

· Wedding Celebration

· Re-Wedding

· Vow Renewal Ceremony

What to say in your vows

We already exchanged vows at our legal wedding. What could we even say this time around?

The things you’d like to promise each other might not have changed all that much since your first wedding ceremony, but there are ways to adapt your vows to reflect what you have already accomplished in your marriage and your hopes for the future.

Think of words like: still, keep, reaffirm, once more:

“I, Rachel, keep you, Louise, as my wife.”

“I still promise to make you smile every day and to seize the moment, wherever it takes us.”

“I reaffirm the vows I made to you one year ago.”

If you're lost for words, then I can help you craft your own personal vows and here are some tips in my guest blog with Magpie Wedding here.

Symbolic actions to make your ceremony unique and meaningful to you

We exchanged rings on our original wedding day and we don’t want to do it again for our second ceremony. What can we give each other or do instead?

Some alternatives to exchanging rings during your ceremony can include:

· Exchanging a present linked to your anniversary. If you’re celebrating your first anniversary, why not give each other a copy of your favourite book to symbolise a paper anniversary, or put a present in a keepsake wooden box for your fifth anniversary?

· Exchanging plants or a single rose stem: “Ali, I give you this rose as a symbol of our marriage. The rose’s bud represents the beauty of our relationship, and may its thorns remind you I’ll always be there for you throughout life’s challenges. I promise to work together with you to tend to our marriage and allow our family to blossom and thrive.”

· A symbolic action, such as handfasting, lighting a unity candle or a sand blending ceremony. More information on handfasting is available on the Humanists UK website here .

A beautiful handfasting ceremony at a vow renewal

I hope this gives you a quick idea of what your vow renewal ceremony could look like! If you're looking to organise a humanist vow renewal ceremony or wedding celebration, please get in touch.

Mair Garland is a humanist celebrant based in south-east London and leads weddings, vow renewals, baby naming ceremonies, memorials and funerals across London, the South East, Wales and beyond.

5 ways to include children of all ages in your humanist wedding ceremony

Whether you have a young baby together or you share grown-up children between you, there are lots of ways to make children of all ages feel included in your humanist wedding ceremony.

Here are some ideas below:

1. The Ceremony Wording

There are plenty of opportunities to give a special shout-out to all your important people in your wedding ceremony, including your children - you can reflect on their importance in your life as a couple too.

“When Jane and Chris first got together, Jane said that she came as a package with her two boys, Ollie and Sam. Although Chris found it daunting at first to try and win over two teenage boys, he says it’s been a privilege to watch them grow up into kind young men (and have someone to play on the Xbox with!)”.

You could also include a commitment to your children/stepchildren in your vows to each other:

“I promise to be an equal parent to Ottilie and work with you as a team to raise her”.

2. Readings

If your children are a little older, you could ask them to give a reading for you during your wedding ceremony (if you have more than one child, they could do this together – for example, by alternating lines or verses).

They could read a poem, or you could ask them to say a few words about you both.

Similarly, if your child is a talented singer or is learning to play an instrument, you could also ask them to perform a musical item as part of the ceremony.

3. Certificate Signing

As humanist wedding ceremonies are not (yet!) legally binding in England & Wales, there is no age restriction for any witnesses you might choose. So, if your child is old enough to sign their name, why not ask them to be your witness and sign your certificate with you?

You could then frame the certificate as a reminder of your day and of the commitments you have made to each other and as a family.

4. Sand Blending Ceremony

Why not have a sand blending ceremony to seal your wedding vows and demonstrate your commitment as a newly formed family?

Each parent and child would have their own colour sand in a smaller container (something like a shot glass or a miniature milk bottle would work well), and would then take it in turns to pour their sand into a larger container (such as a jar, vase or even a decanter).

All the different layers of sand combined together symbolise the individuals of the family joining together as one new unit. You’ll then be able to keep your sand container as a permanent decoration for your home together to be enjoyed long after the wedding.

A sand blending ceremony is the perfect way to symbolise each member of your family during your humanist wedding ceremony, including your children

5. A Naming Ceremony

If you hadn’t had the chance to hold a naming ceremony for your child after they were first born, why not hold a naming ceremony for them as part of your wedding to welcome them into the family? There’s no upper age limit for naming ceremonies, with older children welcome too.

I hope this blog gives you some inspiration for how to include your children in your wedding ceremony. If you have any more questions, then please get in touch!

Mair Garland is a humanist celebrant based in south-east London and leads humanist weddings, naming ceremonies, memorials and funerals across London, the South East, Wales, France and beyond.

5 wedding traditions to use in a humanist naming ceremony

One of the most unique aspects of a humanist naming ceremony is the option to include a symbolic ritual to celebrate your new arrival. There are so many options to choose from, from candle lighting to bubble blowing to anything else in between, and we can personalise them to make them even more relevant to you and your family.

In this blog we’ll take a look at five symbolic rituals that are more usually associated with weddings, but can absolutely be adapted for naming ceremonies too.

1. Handfasting

Handfasting is a Celtic wedding ritual dating back more than two thousand years, which is today very popular at humanist weddings and is strongly associated with Scottish weddings. Did you know that this is where the expression ‘tying the knot’ comes from?

In a wedding, the celebrant ties ribbons around the couple’s hands as a symbol of their union. In a naming ceremony, you can also include your baby or child’s hand into the handfasting as a sign of a new family union who will always stick together, perhaps as part of the promises that the parent(s) will make to the child.

The newly created knot can then by carefully removed and framed as a permanent reminder of the day – it could be a unique piece of art for your child’s bedroom!

2. The Quaich

A quaich (pronounced k-way-ch {as in loch} is a traditional Scottish drinking cup with two handles, which has been used for hundreds of years as a symbol of welcome and unity. In weddings, it is used to symbolise two families joining together as one but it also works very well as a symbol of welcome for your new child during their non-religious naming ceremony. It is usually filled with a dram of whisky, but of course you can add anything you like!

The quaich can be passed around all of your guests to each take a sip, between your guideparents to welcome them into the family too or just by the parent(s), followed by a toast. The drink can be poured into the quaich by your celebrant, a guideparent or by one of the parents. For an extra layer of symbolism, why not ask each of your guideparents to pour some of the drink into the quaich as a symbol of the special role they’ll have to play as your child grows up.

You might already have a quaich in the family, or a new quaich can be a new family heirloom that your child can use during their life’s milestones – for example at their own wedding or to welcome a child of their own!

In the most recent naming ceremony I conducted, the baby’s parents had used a quaich at their wedding, and so it was a natural decision for them to use the quaich again to symbolise their family unit growing from two to three.

“As you have shared from this cup, you have promised to share all that the future may hold. And may the sweetness that life brings be all the sweeter because you have drunk from this quaich together.”

3. Wine Box Ceremony

As vineyard weddings are becoming more popular, couples are choosing to incorporate their beautiful surroundings into their ceremony with a wine box ceremony. Often, couples will have prepared a wooden wine box, containing a bottle of their favourite wine along with a meaningful letter to each other which is then sealed using a hammer and nails during the ceremony. The couple will then open their wine and re-read the letter to each other on a specific anniversary, such as their 10-year anniversary.

It’s definitely possible to adapt this ritual for a naming ceremony too. You could choose a bottle of wine or whisky and include a copy of your parental promises or indeed of the whole ceremony script into the box and seal it during the ceremony. You can save the box to give to your child om their 18th birthday – just make sure you pick something that will age well!

If you don’t drink alcohol, why not create a time capsule with some personal mementos instead?

4. Sandblending Ceremomy

A sandblending ceremony involves filling a large empty glass jar, bottle, vase or perhaps a decanter with layers of different colours of sand. Each colour or layer of sand represents a different person in the child’s life, such as parents and step parents, siblings, grandparents and guideparents. As each person fills the glass with their layer of sand, they can also make a promise to the child.

In weddings, a sandblending ceremony is often used where families with children from previous relationships are joining together to welcome their new stepchildren into one new family. For a naming ceremony, this kind of ceremony can also be used to symbolise the commitment that a step parent is making to the child or for a child who has been adopted.

The container can be kept long after the naming ceremony as a reminder as a reminder of your child’s special day and of the commitments you have made as a family.

5. Favours

Did you know: favours aren’t just for weddings! Why not give your guests a small keepsake from your baby’s naming ceremony?

If your family loves visiting the seaside, why not collect some pebbles or seashells to give to your loved ones? You can also paint your pebbles with a colourful pattern or with your guests' names for an extra-personal touch, which can be a fun activity for siblings and younger guests in the lead-up to the naming ceremony.

You could also give your guests some seeds to plant in their garden or window box and admire in the years to come. This could work especially well if your child’s name is inspired by nature, like Willow, Daisy or Poppy.

Which of these five ideas is your favourite?

Mair Garland is a humanist celebrant based in south-east London, leading non-religious baby naming ceremonies, weddings, memorials and funerals across London and beyond.

Quaich and whisky from a recent naming ceremony